“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”—John Green, Looking for Alaska (via strawmarryshortcake)
I went onto d2l today to see if my final scores were up. I got an 88/100 on my criminal justice test and 152/180 on my chemistry final. I worked so hard this term to keep my grades up and to make sure that I did all of my work on time. I hope that my final overall grades end up being decent because of this effort.
Now I will spend the next few days filling out job applications, scholarship applications, and looking for houses to live in next year.
I wish my dog was in Portland. Then everything would be perfect. I’m here with my dad and my dog and I should be happy. Because they are home, right?
But this isn’t home. I have nothing to do; no friends to visit and catch up with, no places to go visit that I went to weekly with friends, no cafe to sit at enjoying the view of the sound. I’ve never lived here, have no friends here, and so I can’t just go out on my own. Instead I lie in bed all day. Thinking about how I wish I were in Portland with the people I love; eating chipotle with my best friend; sitting at the wall enjoying the view of the city; watching how I met your mother till 3 am with my roomie. Or how I wish I were in Mukilteo, seeing everyone that I never get to see; sitting for hours-on-end in Red Cup; having a bonfire on the beach with the people I miss the most.
I want so much for things to go back to how they were before September came. To have my dad and my dog in Mukilteo so I actually feel at home when I am at home. This break without my brother here, it makes me realize. Too much changed too fast; and it’s when I am lying in bed all day that it hits me full-force.
I like the sound of rain outside as I fall asleep. It makes me feel like I’m curled up in bed in the northwest.